Lettin go...

You ever held on to something so tight that you don’t know how to let go?
Well I have
Except
I’m different
I do this with everything in life
I remember when I was six years
The amount of tears
I cried
When my mum beat me for laughing too hard.
Or when I was seven and I was late for my ballet performance
And I missed the whole show
I remember when I had to go
Leave my best school
At age ten
No one asked me how I felt
She said it was what was best for everyone
Well obviously
It wasn’t what was best for me
Or how about when I was eleven
And had my first oratory graduation
I was the valedictorian
And you weren’t there
No one was.
I was there all alone.
Or when I was thirteen
And there was no gifts for me
Under the Christmas tree.
How do you think that made me feel?
What about when I did good in exams
No one helped me
I did it all by myself
I always do
No one even pats me on the shoulder
And say ,” good job Rhoshenda!”
I still can’t let go of you
I tell everyone I’m fine cause it was four years ago
But I still want you
Now you’ve moved on
But I haven’t cause I don’t know
How to let you go.
I’ll never forget the time I came 2nd
And you were angry with me because I didn’t come first
I’m really sick and tired of this mess
I’ll never forget when you told me that you never wanted girl children
Even though that’s what you said
I heard you never wanted me
You’ll never love me
Completely
And I’ll never let that go
And I know
That you’ll never show me
The same love u have for them.
What about that time that teacher underestimated me
She kicked me in the face an left me
Right there on the ground
And there was no one around
To help me
Except my dear friends
Good thing I have them.
But what I’ll never forget
Is what happened to her
It was not fair
How could the universe be like that.
She always gave back
But the world let danger get her
And nearly killed her
Even though the world knew I couldn’t lose her
Never
She’s my motivator
The reason that I try so hard.
I can’t let these things go
But if I don’t i know I’ll never grow
I tried
And I thought I did
But I have so much hate in me
That its hard to love something completely
Or genuinely.
I don’t know
If I’ll be able to let go
But I can’t let my weaknesses show
So I live a lie
When I look in the mirror all I do is cry
Cause all I see is what I’m not
I don’t know who I am anymore
And I want to move on and be happy
But I can’t, life won’t let me
So now I try not to love too hard
Or try not to hold on too tight
Cause that just makes letting go a harder fight…