Heaven or Hell

All my life
I was told "Heaven or Hell!"
My dying choice shall determine
Mut my whole view was tarnished
Because my whole life was dead
So I put off the choice
Accepted what was set before me
So my choice was made
And off I went
To the depths of the deep
Surrounded by a power that is not mine
In a pit of weakness
Atrocities before me
A monster glorified
Forced to bow
Forced to worship this thing
But my mind remains
I know I chose this
Even though my heart is in another place
This is worse than death
Worse than life
A choiceless void with no escape
Eternity before me
And no second chances
I am ignored here
My mouth closed to shouts for help
I am mocked here
By the routine that I cannot deny
I chose this
But not knowingly
No one said it would be like this
There are others here too
They worship like I do
Are they in agony?
I feel so alone
So trapped
I am bound
My eyes seared with the light
Reflecting off these golden streets
My lungs hurt
Singing words I do not believe
I loathe it
I loathe Him
I did not truly choose this
I simply did not reject it
And that was enough to fake the truth
To take me here
The angels around me
Threaten me subtly
Although I cannot choose
If somehow I found the strength
Their gaze says I will not make it
That I will go someplace worse
I do not believe it
Hell cannot be worse than this